So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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