She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize