Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
