he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
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Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
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I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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