OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
