just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
