Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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