She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
