my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You took a bar mat shot.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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