Who wears a wallet chain?!
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
