Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
