Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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