Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
