i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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