it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
