I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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