there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
