You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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