PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
