God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
