So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
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i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
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I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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