is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
