So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
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I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
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Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.