Texts From Last Night

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  (419): View more from Ohio

  I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids

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  (419): I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids http://tfl.nu/0arl
  Replies (11) Good night (1053) Bad night (1222)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.

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  (813): dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though. http://tfl.nu/527j
  Replies (13) Good night (1562) Bad night (489)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.

  (1-810): View more from Michigan

  nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.

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  (810): i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand. (1-810): nice, that's exactly what jesus would do. http://tfl.nu/jen7
  Replies (19) Good night (4223) Bad night (647)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.

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  (412): You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night. http://tfl.nu/f2ed
  Replies (14) Good night (7337) Bad night (732)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.

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  (865): he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers. http://tfl.nu/fhwb
  Replies (48) Good night (5313) Bad night (970)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted

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  (267): so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted http://tfl.nu/13lv
  Replies (21) Good night (5072) Bad night (754)
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  (518): View more from New York

  I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide

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  (518): I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide http://tfl.nu/vkti
  Replies (16) Good night (4987) Bad night (1271)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.

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  (973): there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it. http://tfl.nu/9xxm
  Replies (8) Good night (2800) Bad night (1640)
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  (862): View more from New Jersey

  I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.

  (917): View more from New York City

  So many issues. You honestly need help.

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  (862): I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in. (917): So many issues. You honestly need help. http://tfl.nu/cv7o
  Replies (10) Good night (2510) Bad night (1020)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe

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  (832): When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe http://tfl.nu/uvdo
  Replies (16) Good night (646) Bad night (3103)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Dude what the fuck...

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  (502): I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer. (330): Dude what the fuck... http://tfl.nu/hphb
  Replies (4) Good night (1637) Bad night (521)
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.

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  (912): Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks. http://tfl.nu/l0wp
  Replies (5) Good night (1153) Bad night (469)
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  (714): View more from California

  You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!

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  (714): You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue! http://tfl.nu/dw09
  Replies (5) Good night (1600) Bad night (647)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.

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  (917): I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend. http://tfl.nu/va3g
  Replies (0) Good night (379) Bad night (210)
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras

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  (504): Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras http://tfl.nu/enu7
  Replies (3) Good night (320) Bad night (245)

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