it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
