sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes