I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
