I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
