she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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