you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
