Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
