the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
