i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
