It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Randomize
