can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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