dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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