the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
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