dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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