Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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