i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
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I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
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Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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