That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
