I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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