he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
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