Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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