there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
