don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He felt like a one man threesome
it's like heaven, but drunker
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
