He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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