i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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