Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
