Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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