either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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