so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
