Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
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