He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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