Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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