He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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