that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
