When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
