Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
