My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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