I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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