Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
