Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
