saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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