i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
