we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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