Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
