There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
we're making bets on your personal life
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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