I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
