I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
