I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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