Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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