That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
