he wants to bone in the snuggie
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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